Story Power Blog
How Jerry Seinfeld Helped to Reset my Mindset
60 Minutes presented an interview with Jerry Seinfeld on Sunday, and it was great. Here’s the link to the video. Seinfeld said so many funny, profound, and wise things. I’ve rewatched it three times. And now I’m sharing some of the highlights. Asked if Covid has killed New York, he scoffed and said: “When you were…
He Picked the Worst Time to Pitch to Me
A cautionary tale: Earlier this week, I was helping a client move a website. He registered his domain with GoDaddy, and I spoke to their customer support before moving the site. Everything GoDaddy told me was wrong, and when we moved the site it came crashing down. I launched a chat with GoDaddy support and…
Why Stick-to-the-Script Syndrome Could Kill Your Business
Back in March, when the pandemic was a fresh, new misadventure for all of us, I wrote this email asking why the local traffic reporter needed to do her thing every morning — even though no one was driving to work. I concluded that she and her station kept doing their thing because that’s what they do.…
Marketing Lessons from My Neighbor’s Perfect Lawn
I was walking my dog, Moose, around the block the other day and came upon a neighbor who was manicuring his lawn. This wasn’t your standard roll-the-mower-over-the-grass job. This was high-intensity fuss-over-the-fescue. He was on his knees with a hand clipper, working the edges, getting everything right. Not just good enough. But perfect. After he…
Turn Frustration to Fascination and Good Things Happen
I’m enjoying a book called “Blessed Beyond Measure,” by Dr. Tom Hill. On page 69, Dr. Hill offers an idea that got my attention: Some time ago, I intentionally began using the word “fascinated” when I felt like saying something frustrated me…I realized the frustrating quality of situations causing me to feel frustrated naturally include a legitimate…
Cool Tools to Remove Background and Apply Effects to Photos
Last week, I shared “5 things you might not know about me…” on LinkedIn. The post included this picture of me… A few people told me they liked that picture, and they suggested I use it as my profile picture — instead of the one I was using. “Sure, why not?” I thought. But before…
Don’t Choose Your Marketing Channel Until You Do This…
Here’s a tale of two marketing tips — one right on, the other off the mark. It starts with a question posted to an online forum: How can I generate leads for my graphic design business? Two people responded. The first person wrote 272 words… …loaded with one recommendation after another. Use LinkedIn. Try XING…
How to Write Better Copy That Drives Grammar Police Crazy
Here’s a tale about Dizzy Dean — a Hall of Fame pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals… …who was a country boy and… …not as educated or polished as the city-slicker reporters who covered the team. When a reporter accused him of corrupting language students with his lousy grammar and diction, Dizzy replied, “A lot…
Priceless Advice from a Wise Bass
I heard about a restaurant in New York… …with a stuffed fish on the wall… …above a plaque that said… “Take a tip from me — I wouldn’t be here if I had kept my mouth shut!” There’s truth in that fish story. A good business fable. Don’t talk at your prospects. Shut your mouth…
You Ask. I’ll Answer.
Short and sweet today. Just a quick question for you… What nagging marketing and sales challenge is holding you back? Please share with me what’s on your mind. What’s causing frustration, confusion, or anxiety as you try to grow your business? If you submit a question/concern, I’ll answer you directly… …and my answer won’t be…
This Marketing Secret is as Smart as a Block of Wood
Long before Apple and Android turned phones into pocket-sized computers, Palm dominated the mobile device market. The simple, compact PalmPilot handled four functions: calendars, contacts, memos, and tasks. Jeff Hawkins, the product team leader, carried in his pocket a PalmPilot-sized block of wood. When other team members suggested new functions beyond the core four, Hawkins…
Conventional Lunacy You Must Ignore
I read some marketing advice last week that was SO bad I had to share it with you… …so you can add it to the top of your “Do Not Do This!” list. It came from a so-called marketing “expert” in one of those fancy-shmancy magazines for entrepreneurs. The article contained dos and don’ts for…
Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Fear in Your Marketing…
A few months ago, my wife and I woke to a loud “thud.” She thought the sound came from inside the house… …and, for her, that meant trouble. “What was that!?” she asked, sounding a little frantic. We live in the city and crime is a thing so I don’t blame her for worrying. I…
Priceless Marketing Lessons Courtesy of President Trump
I gotta hand it to President Donald J. Trump. Love him or hate him, El Presidente just did many of us a favor. He shut up the “TikTok-is-the-Next-Big-Marketing-Thing” crowd. (Search for “tiktok marketing next big thing,” and you’ll find them). On Friday, he issued an executive order banning TikTok in the USA, effective next month. …
How a Tiny Story Can Pack a Giant Punch
Legend has it that Ernest Hemingway won a bar bet by writing a story that contained just six words. Here’s the story: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” That tiny story reveals a giant truth for marketers: Great stories don’t have to be long stories. In fact, one of the greatest marketing stories I know…
What Can You Learn from an Old Maid?
When I was a kid, I remember my relatives talking about some Great Aunt I’d never met. They called her an “Old Maid.” I had no idea what they were talking about, but I could tell they considered it an insult. Years later, I learned the meaning: A woman who has — gasp! — never…
How to Land More Business With Less Selling
I read a definition of “marketer” yesterday that may be the best I’ve ever seen.It came from Troy Broussard, one of my favorite marketers and a top-notch product developer. He co-created Learnistic, the mobile platform on which I run the Story Power Marketing app. He said a marketer is “a person that creates such a strong…
How to Be a Better Listener So You Can Craft More Powerful Stories
The other day I was in a Zoom meeting with a group of prospects when… …I realized I had zoned out — completely. I don’t know for how long I had not been listening. I just knew I was staring at the squirrel in the tree outside my office window. Yep, my gray matter had…
How to Create Great Content with Less Effort and Cost
For those of you who would like to produce good, business-building content… …with less time-consuming, costly effort… …here’s a story for you. On Wednesday, I was one of the speakers at an online networking event. The guy who organized the event, called me a few weeks in advance, and asked for a presentation topic. Earlier…
The Critical Thing to Do BEFORE You Storm The Castle
When he was a young college student, my wife’s great-great-grandfather joined the revolution. He and his pals tried to overthrow the German government. The year was 1833, and young Adolph Wislizenus “stormed the castle” with a band of student revolutionaries in Frankfurt. Their plan: Sneak-attack a few arsenals. Capture the soldiers. Take the guns. Arm…
The Salty Popcorn Marketing Method
I miss movie theater popcorn. A large bucket. Plenty of salt. None of that fake butter. On a good day — especially if my wife grabs a few handfuls from the first bucket — I go for the free refill. Ahhh…such fond pre-pandemic memories. When the movie theaters reopen, I’ll rush back… …not because I…
How a Master Copywriter Got the Scoop on His Target Market
I recently heard this interesting tidbit about Eugene Schwartz, a genius copywriter who penned ads that generated massive sales: He had a secret way to get the scoop on his target market… He would go to the theater to see all the hit movies… …and he would see the blockbusters TWICE. Why? Because if you’re…
Native American Warriors Reveal Ancient Marketing Secret
I recently heard this wild story about Native American warriors. Two tribes face off on the battlefield — maybe the Sioux on one side, the Crow on the other. They shout taunts at each other. Then a brave young warrior from one side gallops forward on his pinto, charging at the enemy… …not to kill…
This Tactic Will Land You in the “Thanks, But No Thanks” File
My pal Harry forwarded to me a how-not-to-do-it sales email he received the other day. He called it “fertile material” for the emails I send. He got that right. The email Harry forwarded was from a design firm in Arizona that was fishing for business. The email came from Dave, the firm’s principal. “Hi Harry,” Dave wrote.…
The Story Behind One of the Greatest Ads Ever
In 1925, John Caples was a rookie copywriter working on an ad for home-study piano courses. He drafted several headlines that he shared with his boss. Here are a few: “Can you play the piano? Neither could I three months ago?” “They laughed when I sat down at the piano. But when I started to…
The Insanity of the Tactics-First Crowd
A desperate marketer posted a sad-sack story last week on a public forum. He was trying to reach prospects in a niche market… …and he was getting ZERO response. Facebook Ads? No-go. LinkedIn messages? Zip? Search advertising? Nada. So he asked the internet for help… …and the internet responded with a bunch of INSANITY. First, I’ll…
Understand This and Your Marketing Will Be Better
I read something cool this morning. It comes from a book called Breakthrough Advertising, by Eugene Schwartz. He was one of the great direct response copywriters of the twentieth century. Breakthrough Advertising is a Bible for those who want to write copy that works. At the beginning of Chapter Seven, Schwartz writes… “…Advertising is the literature of…
How a Nine-Word Story Sold Millions
One of the great business stories of all time is also one of the shortest. Just nine words. Here it is: You can pay me now… …or pay me later. If you watched television in the 70s, you couldn’t miss those ads for Fram oil filters. The broken car. The expensive repair. The mechanic saying…
This Magic Phrase Will Help You Attract More Leads
I was planning to send a different message this morning… …until I read an email from one of my favorite marketing experts Dave Dee (check out his stuff here). He offered a tip that is so good I had to postpone the other email so I could share the idea with you now. Here’s the tip: …
I Reveal This Mistake So You Don’t Repeat It
I got some great advice from a marketing expert last week after he read one of my emails. If you’ve read my emails lately, you’ve noticed that I offer a free Story Assessment. I’ll review your website, social media or any other channel where you tell your story. Then I’ll reveal ways to power up your…
How the U.S. Grant Playbook Can Help Your Business
Here’s a TV recommendation: Watch “Grant,” the new three-part documentary on the History Channel (here’s the trailer). Ulysses S. Grant was a complicated man. Some historians have painted him as a drunk, a villain, a reckless general who got lucky, a corrupt politician. This documentary rewrites that history. It exposes some of the warts. But generally,…
Top Marketers Say This is More Important Than Anything
I recently heard this story about the great copywriter Gary Halbert… Near the end of his career he was quizzing a protege and said, “The best way to get a prospect’s attention is to appeal to their sense of ___________.” The protege replied, “Their sense of self-interest?” Halbert said, “No…their sense of curiosity.” That’s great…
Why Sales “Hunters” Bag Fewer Long-Lasting Clients
A few years back, I met with a prospect about a massive project. The meeting went well. I remember thinking as the meeting moved along, “I’m CRUSHING it.” Before I left, they committed to hire me. I returned to the office, shared the news with my team, and slapped high fives all around. “Way to…
A Big Mistake that Costs Businesses Time and Money
A business owner recently asked me to launch an email campaign for her new company. She told me she wanted to “spread the word” about the business. Spread the word. That’s a popular idea. Let’s send some emails to spread the word. Let’s post on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter to spread the word.Let’s buy…
Spiderman Reveals the Difference Between Manipulation and Persuasion
I love the scene in the Spiderman movie (the first one with Tobey Maguire) when Uncle Ben tells Peter, “With great power comes great responsibility.” That’s true for super heroes. That’s also true for marketers. I’m working on a revised and expanded version of a free resource I created a few years back called “7 Ways…
Email Story: Betrayed by a Travel Brochure
Back in the day, when people used to go on vacation, my mom, dad, brother and I packed up the station wagon and drove west in search of a ghost town. Actually, we were headed to some national parks in Wyoming and Montana. But I insisted we detour. The brochure I grabbed at the Stuckey’s…
Why Does She Still Do THIS?
Here’s something I wonder during this pandemic: Why is the local news station still broadcasting traffic reports every 30 minutes in the morning? I turn on the news, and there she is, the Traffic Reporter, standing in front of the map with all the highways and byways color coded — green for “all clear,” yellow for “moderate back-ups” and…
How Taco Bell Hotel Rooms Sold Out in 120 Seconds
I read about a hotel that promises a “fun, colorful and flavorful” and magical experience. Set to open in August, the hotel began taking reservations online in June. It sold out in two minutes. Introducing The Bell: A Taco Bell Hotel and Resort in Palm Springs, California. The Bell is just a temporary rebranding of…
Guessing VS Explaining With Data
I saw something on the TV news this morning that annoyed me. (What else is new?) I’m sharing this with you not to spread the annoyance, but rather to deliver a business lesson. The news headline: The number of asylum-seekers reaching the Mexico-US border has decreased over the last few months. The analysis: Supporters of…
It’s About Building a Community
Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death. So the TV talking heads spent a bunch of airtime debating whether it’s OK to enjoy the King of Pop’s music. The debate goes like this… On one side are those who cite allegations that Jackson molested children. You can’t separate the art from the artist,…
Testing Works In Business
Before publishing his first best-seller, Tim Ferriss tested options. He came up with six potential titles. Then he purchased Google Adwords ads — one version for each title — targeting search terms related to the book’s topics. Each ad used the potential book title as the headline and used the book’s tagline for the ad’s…
How Do You know If Your Marketing is Working
A marketing novice wondered whether a direct mail ad he received from a restaurant was any good. He described the ad in an online discussion board and waited for responses. Dozens of people replied with all sorts of marketing advice. Lots of them said they liked the ad. Some asked to see the advertisement so…
Lousy Customer Service
A few months ago, I went to a St. Louis Blues hockey game with my son. He ordered a chicken sandwich from a concession stand run by a local restaurant. The chicken was raw. When we returned the food to the stand and asked for a refund, the woman at the cash register apologized and…
Reach Out to Former Customers
Last month, a networking group that I help manage contacted 18 former members to learn why they quit. Three of the 18 said they quit for no particular reason. They just let their commitment lag. Prompted by the phone call, they committed to resubscribe. Three out of 18. That’s 17 percent. That’s pretty good. Many…
Berube Removes the Standings
In early January, when the St. Louis Blues were in the National Hockey League cellar with the fewest points of any team, Interim Head Coach Craig Berube tore the standings from the locker room wall. Yesterday, hours before the Blues clinched the Western Conference championship and punched their ticket to the Stanley Cup Final, a…
The Solution of False Opt-Outs
My friend who handles PR for a nonprofit had an annoying mystery to solve. One of her email subscribers complained that she had opted-in but was not receiving emails. Then another complained. Then another. As my friend dug into the problem, she discovered that several people on her list were marked as unsubscribed. But those…
Human Beings Shop For Status
In 1774, King Frederick II of Prussia was ruling over a land ravaged by famine. He urged farmers to plant potatoes to end the famine. But back then, potatoes were considered livestock feed in Eastern Europe, not suitable for human consumption. So farmers defied the king and didn’t plant them… …until King Frederick changed marketing…
Re Target Market
I was at a concert last night and heard some lyrics that made me think: “That’s a great marketing lesson.” (I couldn’t help it. That’s where my mind goes). Here are those lyrics from an old Kris Kristofferson song called “To Beat the Devil:” If you waste your time a talkingTo the people who don’t…
Learn From Our MASA Ad Mistake
Our company made a marketing mistake. I’m going to tell you about so you don’t repeat it. We sell email marketing software to many schools and school districts. So we recently ran a print advertisement in the membership directory for the Missouri Association of School Administrators (MASA). The ad included the address for our website…
Fearing Gmail Promotions
My favorite marketing forum lit up yesterday when someone complained about Gmail putting the emails he sends into the “Promotions” folder. Several years ago, Gmail introduced folders (“tabs”) to organize incoming email into four categories: Primary, Social, Promotions and Updates. Most marketing emails sent through third-party software land in the Promotions folder. Yesterday, an unhappy…
Garbage Data
In a recent Monday Mash-Up, I shared a blog post I’d written about misleading statistics. It struck a nerve with several readers. Margaret is one of those readers who told me the story of her run-in with garbage data. Margaret works as a fundraiser at a nonprofit. Margaret often wonders how best to reach older donors and prospects. Some…
Sidewalk Cigarette Butts
As I entered a quick shop yesterday, I noticed a guy walking out who looked down on his luck. He stopped by the door and pulled from his shirt pocket a half-smoked, crooked cigarette butt. He bent it back into shape, lit up and took a long drag. When I walked out of the store,…
Car Wash Story
A few months ago, I asked my 21-year-old daughter to help me lug trash from the three barrels next to our house to the dumpster in the alley. She was home from college for a couple of weeks, and I thought she could pitch in. She shot me one of those looks that said, “Dad,…
Podcasting Roundabout (Citing Adam K)
My pal Adam Kreitman sent me (and everyone else on his list) a great email today that compared the current frenzy over podcasting to the California Gold Rush. Here’s some of what Adam wrote: “There were a few lucky folks who struck it rich mining for gold. However, the people who really made money during the Gold…
Which Material For Tote Bags
I had a good laugh today while reading an online discussion board for marketers. A puzzled marketer asked the community to weigh in on the best material for tote bags she and her husband would distribute at a trade show. She was leaning toward polypropylene (“feels like soft cloth” and “the cheapest way to go.”)…
Unsolicited Political Text
Yesterday I received an unsolicited text message from someone pitching a local political candidate. I’m not sharing this story to publicly shame anyone. I’m sharing it because there’s a business and life lesson here. So I’ll change the names to protect the guilty. The text said, “Hi Thomas,” (that was the first clue this was…
Is Marketing A Bad Word
Last week, my twin children turned 22. I’m still Dad, but my hardest parenting work is behind me (I think/hope). That got me thinking about parenting lessons learned. Here’s a big one: When the kid does something bad, that doesn’t mean the kid is a bad person. As parents, we need to help our kids…
CBS Sword Swallower
During a new show broadcast after the Super Bowl on Sunday, CBS television wanted us to believe that a talent-show performer died in a tragic sword swallowing accident. The idea was to create high drama. Keep us viewers glued to the tube. I said, “To hell with this,” and I’ll never watch this rotten show…
Global Warming Faulty Logic
Here in St. Louis, MO it’s cold today. Really cold. It’s also cold in Washington, D.C. where President Trump tweeted this yesterday: “In the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People can’t last outside even for minutes. What the hell…
Capture a Prospect’s Imagination
My friend Richard Terry asked me to help him with some marketing copy. He’d heard one of my presentations recently, and he thought he might benefit from my expertise. We met earlier today, and here’s what I told him… …Richard, you don’t need my help. I was honored he asked. I welcome new business. I…
Lessons from a cringe-worthy toilet mishap
My pal Adam Kreitman and I both write story-driven emails with marketing lessons. Occasionally, we challenge one another by sharing a story that might be a bit strange or saucy or…whatever… and then daring the other to turn it into a meaningful email. Adam dropped one of those challenges on me yesterday. His text message…
Car Dealership Marketing Guy
It’s only January 2, and I just read some marketing wisdom that will make my “Best of 2019” list in 12 months. A marketing guy at an auto dealership posted to an online marketing forum this question: “What would you suggest I do to get everyone to understand why we use social media?” The salespeople…
Kotex Classic
One of Saturday Night Live’s most popular advertising parodies almost didn’t make it on the air. The fake ad was for “Kotex Classic” — feminine pads described as “the original” and “your mother’s pad.” Some historical context…for the men in the audience or those women too young to remember: Sanitary pads were much bulkier back…
Visa Tap-to-Pay Ad
I keep seeing this television ad promoting “Tap to Pay With Visa.” It touts a feature known as “contactless cards.” You complete a transaction without sliding or inserting your card. Just tap the card on (or wave it over) a reader. No confirmation necessary. No signature required. Tap and you’re done. Card charged. Purchase completed. In the…
Payless Shoes
Earlier this year, a new luxury shoe store opened in a Santa Monica mall. The store, called Palessi, invited fashion writers and other influencers to its grand opening. The fashionistas got first crack at the merchandise. They paid up to $600 for the shoes… …and then they celebrated. One held up a pair and chirped,…
Thomas Edison Salt
Do you sprinkle salt on your food before tasting it? If so, Thomas Edison would not have hired you… …and your marketing might suck. When interviewing job candidates, Edison would offer them a bowl of soup. If they salted the soup without first tasting it, Edison would disqualify the candidate. Edison didn’t want assistants who assumed the…
Beatles White Album
In July 1968, a young sound engineer named Geoff Emerick grew annoyed with his employers and quit his job. Geoff’s employers muddled through without him. And fifty years ago this month, they released a double-album… …with a plain white cover… …entitled, simply, “The Beatles.” So, yeah this really happened… A 22-year-old sound engineer is hanging…
Moon Landing Follow-up re: Event Success or Failure?
Last month, I told you about conspiracy theorists who tried to “prove” that the moon landings were a hoax. (Here’s that email.) In that email, I noted that many marketers remind me of the conspiracy theorists. They take a couple of facts and paste them together to create a wacky, inaccurate picture. A few weeks ago, my…
Great First Date, Didn’t Call
When I was younger (and lonelier), I wrote a song called “Unrequited Love.” I wrote it a few weeks after a blind date. I thought the date went well. I called her — several times. Left messages suggesting a second date. No reply. No more dates. Sad story. I’m thinking of writing a similar song…
Great Cold-Call Email
I was planning to send a different email to you today. …until I checked my inbox this morning and opened one of the best cold-call emails I’ve ever received. I wanted to share it with you because it’s sooooo good and you can learn so much from it. It begins: “Hey Tom, Curious if you’re…
Email Marketing Works, Man Walked on the Moon and Other Conspiracy Theories
When I was a kid, I treasured my poster of Neil Armstrong standing on the moon. I wanted to be an astronaut. Armstrong was my hero. Last week, I saw a picture of Armstrong’s spacesuit. Some guy posted it on Facebook next to a picture of a lunar footprint. The spacesuit boot had no treads.…
How We Were “Liberated” from Formal Work Clothes
I was cleaning out some old files and found the “Dress Code Policy” for one of my early jobs. Coat and tie required. No jeans. Closed-top shoes. No sneakers. Etc. Etc. Etc. Blah blah blah. That was 1998. Times have changed. I remember the first time I worked at a place with “Casual Fridays.” It…
Ben Franklin Effect
When Ben Franklin was a young man, he turned a rival into a fan with a brilliant, counterintuitive move. Ben had co-founded a literary and debate society and served as clerk. When he ran for reelection as clerk, the rival ripped Ben in a long, hateful speech. Rather than counterpunch, Ben asked the hater for…
Frozen in The Cereal Aisle
I nearly had a nervous breakdown in Aisle 8 at the grocery store on Sunday. There I stood, in the cereal aisle, reading the shopping list my wife created. Item 15 on the list: “Healthy Cereal.” I marched up and down the aisle, scanning the shelves. Should I buy the Kashi or the Kellogg’s? Barbara’s…
Tim Dean Life Coach
When I asked Tim Dean to describe his ideal client for me, his answer blew me away. Tim is a life coach whom I ran into at a networking event. His ideal client: “Parents of a millenial son or daughter who is living at home.” We’ve all heard the old adage about finding a niche…
Niagara Falls
In 1911, Bobby Leach went over Niagara Falls in a barrel. On purpose. He broke a few bones and spent a few months in the hospital. But that was OK with him. He survived… …and then he cashed in on his fame. He wasn’t the first person to survive that fall. A woman named Annie…
Ear Doctor Normalizes Waiting
I caught a radio ad recently for an ear doctor who encouraged listeners to get their hearing checked. She said most people will rush to the eye doctor if they have fuzzy vision. But when people notice their hearing get fuzzy, many will put off a checkup. Sometimes they’ll wait for years. Don’t wait, she…
Jacob and United Airlines
I got a call last month from my son, Jacob, who declared, “I’m never flying United Airlines again!” Here’s why he was so upset… Jacob was at the Denver airport, at one of those self-serve check-in kiosks. It was crowded and hectic. There was a long line to get through security. He was frazzled. He…
The #1 Reason Albert Pujols and Your Customers Break Up With You
Baseball great Albert Pujols got his 3,000th hit earlier this month. I’ve rooted all my life for the St. Louis Cardinals. So it broke my heart when Pujols broke up with the Cardinals in 2012 to join the Anaheim Angels. The heartache reminded me of my ninth-grade girlfriend, Susie Wallace. Susie and I had just…
Job Seeker Nukes Urine
WARNING: You may never microwave a convenience store burrito again after reading this kinda-gross, but kinda-funny(?) story!!! A job-seeker in Aurora, CO prepped for an interview and drug test by taking a cup of urine to a 7-11 near her prospective employer’s office. She popped the urine in the oven, set it to “High,” pressed start…
Lots of Women’s Emails From Nordstrom’s
This is a tale about how to annoy email subscribers and encourage them to opt-out. I signed up for Nordstrom Rack’s email list last year after I bought a couple of shirts from them. Men’s shirts (I’m a man). Since then, I’ve received almost-daily emails from Nordstrom’s. Eighty percent of the emails peddle women’s products.…
Curb: Larry Passes on Lunch
I watched a rerun of Curb Your Enthusiasm yesterday in which Larry David gets into it with a guy who asks him to lunch. Larry and this guy are both from LA, but they run into each other in New York. The guy suggests that he and Larry grab lunch the next day. Larry refuses. “So let…
Wisdom Teeth Dummy
When I was a dumb kid, I feared my IQ would drop if I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I was over that by the time I was 19 and dating Kathy. She had her wisdom teeth pulled the summer we dated. She couldn’t stand the pain. I suggested she rinse with warm salt water.…
Borrowing Email Lists Greitens Etc.
The meeting went off the rails when I asked, “How are you going to build your email list?” The nonprofit executive director replied, “We’re going to borrow lists from some other nonprofits we partner with.” “I recommend against that,” I said. “But we do that all the time with direct (postal) mail,” she said. I…
Red Delicious Apple
The last time I ate a Red Delicious apple, I thought, “Hmmm. ‘Red Delicious?’ That’s half-true. Red? Yes. Delicious? Not so much’?” Bad texture. Bland taste. All beauty. No substance. How can something so pretty and shiny be so terrible? I discovered the nasty secret in this great article in The Atlantic. Reds used to be delicious.…
Left-Handed Whopper
On April Fool’s Day 1998, Burger King ran a full-page advertisement in USA Today to introduce the new “Left-Handed Whopper” The ad proclaimed: “Finally, after years of neglect, left-handed eaters will no longer need to conform to traditional right-handed eating methods when enjoying America’s favorite burger.” Highlights: “Whopper rotated a full 180-degrees to ensure better grip on bun…” “Rearranged orientation of…
Girlfriend Flowers
Back in high school, I had a crush on Amanda, but she had a boyfriend named Cam. A few days before her 16th birthday, she was flirting with me, bad-mouthing Cam, hinting that he was toast. So I made my move. During the birthday party at her house, I snuck up to her room with…
Pedestrian Bridge Marketing Failure
The following story discusses one company’s marketing failure related to the pedestrian bridge collapse in Florida. I hesitated before sharing this story. I didn’t want to make light of the tragedy or dishonor the six people who died in Florida. I’ve chosen to proceed with the email because I think it contains a valuable marketing…
Dude Checks Gas Leak With Match
I ran across an article the other day about a dumb dude in Michigan who smelled gas coming from his newly installed water heater. He checked for the leak by lighting a match. He shoulda died, but he got off easy… …with singed eyebrows. Mixing fire and gas leak — that wasn’t his first mistake. …
Ketchup and Hardcore Porn
Did you hear the one about the ketchup bottle and the hardcore pornography site? Whoh! Settle down now. It’s not what you think. This is a G-rated story that is super-pertinent for anyone marketing a business. Turns out that the good folks at Heinz sold ketchup bottles in Germany that promoted a contest website. But…
Foot Powder Elected
This is the story of how a bottle of foot powder was elected Mayor of a town in Ecuador. I’m not kidding. During the 1967 mayoral election in Picoazà (population 4,000), a foot powder company launched an ad campaign with this slogan: “Vote for any candidate, but if you want well-being and hygiene, vote for…
Toilet Instructions
I recently spent a couple of weeks in New Zealand. Beautiful country. One of the most memorable things I saw there: Signs illustrating the right way to pooh. This is not B.S. These signs were as common as fart jokes in a boys locker room. On the right… a drawing of a person sitting on…
Groundhog Day
I hope you had a joyous Groundhog Day! (It was last Tuesday, in case you missed it). Truth be told, I can live without the holiday. But I love the movie. Weatherman Phil Connor (Bill Murray) wakes each morning in Punxsutawney, PA for a Groundhog Day do-over. On each of these days, Phil runs into an…
Leonardo’s Perfection Problem
In Monday’s email, I recommended the new biography Leonardo DaVinci (by Walter Isaacson). Great read. Lots of interesting stories. Many business lessons. Here’s one: In 1480, monks hired Leo to create a painting of the Adoration of the Magi. Leo started the project, but he stopped before finishing. Leo imagined the perfect painting, but he couldn’t achieve that perfection.…
Dump the Grammar Guide
Back in high school I had a basketball coach who didn’t win any spelling bees or grammar contests. Once, after we failed to run the play he called during practice, he stormed onto the court, screaming: “Jeez, yous guys! Don’t you know the American language!?” Smart-ass kids that we were, we used to mock Coach…
Fastest Surgeon
I’m not a surgeon. And I don’t play one on TV. But I know this much: If you’re operating on ONE patient, and THREE people die, you’ve botched the job. That really happened — to Dr. Robert Liston, who was famous in the 19th century for being the fastest surgeon around. In those days, before…
Bubblegum Broccoli
Here’s what McDonald’s CEO Don Thompson said when describing bubblegum-flavored broccoli that the company developed a few years ago: “It wasn’t all that.” Huh!? Put yourself in the shoes of those poor kids who tasted this Frankenstein “food.” Imagine what you might have said if you sampled the stuff. It’s gotta be more (lots more) than, “It wasn’t…
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