Story Power Blog
When Having a Bad Day, Consider Adolphe Sax’s Story…
Last week, I had one of those days when nothing went right. It made me grumpy. And as I grumped around, I focused more on feeling sorry for myself and less on staying focused and productive. That made it worse. I got past it, but it made me think about how easy it is to…
How to Make Your Business Story More Interesting
I heard from a business owner who wants to power up his story to grow salesā¦ …but he fears he doesnāt have a compelling story to tell. āMy story isnāt interesting,ā he said. I hear that a lot. Business people assume storytelling should be about themselves. They rack their brains for an inspiring origin story.…
Here’s a Surefire Way to Blow 35 Grand
I came across this gem of a headline in an online marketing forum this week: āIām buying a domain name for $35,000.ā The guy who posted it explained: āWe presently use the domain with ātheā prefix for our product, so it looks like https://the___.com But going to go bolder way and buy the name without…
40 Years Later, I Still Remember This…
I was cleaning out a closet the other day and found an old biology textbook. As I paged through it, I was struck (stunned, saddened) by how little I remembered. Then I got to the chapter about animal biologyā¦ …and my memory clicked: āKids prefer cheese over fried green spinach.ā Thatās the little story I…
How Jerry Seinfeld Helped to Reset my Mindset
60 Minutes presented an interview with Jerry Seinfeld on Sunday, and it was great. Hereās the link to the video. Seinfeld said so many funny, profound, and wise things. Iāve rewatched it three times. And now Iām sharing some of the highlights. Asked if Covid has killed New York, he scoffed and said: āWhen you were…
He Picked the Worst Time to Pitch to Me
A cautionary tale: Earlier this week, I was helping a client move a website. He registered his domain with GoDaddy, and I spoke to their customer support before moving the site. Everything GoDaddy told me was wrong, and when we moved the site it came crashing down. I launched a chat with GoDaddy support and…
Why Stick-to-the-Script Syndrome Could Kill Your Business
Back in March, when the pandemic was a fresh, new misadventure for all of us, I wrote this email asking why the local traffic reporter needed to do her thing every morning — even though no one was driving to work. I concluded that she and her station kept doing their thing because thatās what they do.…
Marketing Lessons from My Neighbor’s Perfect Lawn
I was walking my dog, Moose, around the block the other day and came upon a neighbor who was manicuring his lawn. This wasnāt your standard roll-the-mower-over-the-grass job. This was high-intensity fuss-over-the-fescue. He was on his knees with a hand clipper, working the edges, getting everything right. Not just good enough. But perfect. After he…
Turn Frustration to Fascination and Good Things Happen
Iām enjoying a book called āBlessed Beyond Measure,ā by Dr. Tom Hill. On page 69, Dr. Hill offers an idea that got my attention: Some time ago, I intentionally began using the word āfascinatedā when I felt like saying something frustrated me…I realized the frustrating quality of situations causing me to feel frustrated naturally include a legitimate…
Cool Tools to Remove Background and Apply Effects to Photos
Last week, I shared ā5 things you might not know about meā¦ā on LinkedIn. The post included this picture of meā¦ A few people told me they liked that picture, and they suggested I use it as my profile picture — instead of the one I was using. āSure, why not?ā I thought. But before…
Don’t Choose Your Marketing Channel Until You Do This…
Hereās a tale of two marketing tips — one right on, the other off the mark. It starts with a question posted to an online forum: How can I generate leads for my graphic design business? Two people responded. The first person wrote 272 wordsā¦ …loaded with one recommendation after another. Use LinkedIn. Try XING…
How to Write Better Copy That Drives Grammar Police Crazy
Hereās a tale about Dizzy Dean — a Hall of Fame pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals… …who was a country boy and… …not as educated or polished as the city-slicker reporters who covered the team. When a reporter accused him of corrupting language students with his lousy grammar and diction, Dizzy replied, āA lot…
Priceless Advice from a Wise Bass
I heard about a restaurant in New Yorkā¦ …with a stuffed fish on the wallā¦ …above a plaque that said… āTake a tip from me — I wouldnāt be here if I had kept my mouth shut!ā Thereās truth in that fish story. A good business fable. Donāt talk at your prospects. Shut your mouth…
You Ask. I’ll Answer.
Short and sweet today. Just a quick question for youā¦ What nagging marketing and sales challenge is holding you back? Please share with me whatās on your mind. Whatās causing frustration, confusion, or anxiety as you try to grow your business? If you submit a question/concern, Iāll answer you directlyā¦ …and my answer wonāt be…
This Marketing Secret is as Smart as a Block of Wood
Long before Apple and Android turned phones into pocket-sized computers, Palm dominated the mobile device market. The simple, compact PalmPilot handled four functions: calendars, contacts, memos, and tasks. Jeff Hawkins, the product team leader, carried in his pocket a PalmPilot-sized block of wood. When other team members suggested new functions beyond the core four, Hawkins…
Conventional Lunacy You Must Ignore
I read some marketing advice last week that was SO bad I had to share it with youā¦ …so you can add it to the top of your āDo Not Do This!ā list. It came from a so-called marketing āexpertā in one of those fancy-shmancy magazines for entrepreneurs. The article contained dos and donāts for…
Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Fear in Your Marketing…
A few months ago, my wife and I woke to a loud āthud.ā She thought the sound came from inside the houseā¦ …and, for her, that meant trouble. āWhat was that!?ā she asked, sounding a little frantic. We live in the city and crime is a thing so I donāt blame her for worrying. I…
Priceless Marketing Lessons Courtesy of President Trump
I gotta hand it to President Donald J. Trump. Love him or hate him, El Presidente just did many of us a favor. He shut up the āTikTok-is-the-Next-Big-Marketing-Thingā crowd. (Search for ātiktok marketing next big thing,ā and youāll find them). On Friday, he issued an executive order banning TikTok in the USA, effective next month. …
How a Tiny Story Can Pack a Giant Punch
Legend has it that Ernest Hemingway won a bar bet by writing a story that contained just six words. Hereās the story: āFor sale: baby shoes, never worn.ā That tiny story reveals a giant truth for marketers: Great stories donāt have to be long stories. In fact, one of the greatest marketing stories I know…
What Can You Learn from an Old Maid?
When I was a kid, I remember my relatives talking about some Great Aunt Iād never met. They called her an āOld Maid.ā I had no idea what they were talking about, but I could tell they considered it an insult. Years later, I learned the meaning: A woman who has — gasp! — never…
How to Land More Business With Less Selling
I read a definition of āmarketerā yesterday that may be the best Iāve ever seen.It came from Troy Broussard, one of my favorite marketers and a top-notch product developer. He co-created Learnistic, the mobile platform on which I run the Story Power Marketing app. He said a marketer is āa person that creates such a strong…
How to Be a Better Listener So You Can Craft More Powerful Stories
The other day I was in a Zoom meeting with a group of prospects when… …I realized I had zoned out — completely. I donāt know for how long I had not been listening. I just knew I was staring at the squirrel in the tree outside my office window. Yep, my gray matter had…
How to Create Great Content with Less Effort and Cost
For those of you who would like to produce good, business-building contentā¦ …with less time-consuming, costly effort… …hereās a story for you. On Wednesday, I was one of the speakers at an online networking event. The guy who organized the event, called me a few weeks in advance, and asked for a presentation topic. Earlier…
The Critical Thing to Do BEFORE You Storm The Castle
When he was a young college student, my wifeās great-great-grandfather joined the revolution. He and his pals tried to overthrow the German government. The year was 1833, and young Adolph Wislizenus āstormed the castleā with a band of student revolutionaries in Frankfurt. Their plan: Sneak-attack a few arsenals. Capture the soldiers. Take the guns. Arm…
The Salty Popcorn Marketing Method
I miss movie theater popcorn. A large bucket. Plenty of salt. None of that fake butter. On a good day — especially if my wife grabs a few handfuls from the first bucket — I go for the free refill. Ahhhā¦such fond pre-pandemic memories. When the movie theaters reopen, Iāll rush backā¦ …not because I…
How a Master Copywriter Got the Scoop on His Target Market
I recently heard this interesting tidbit about Eugene Schwartz, a genius copywriter who penned ads that generated massive sales: He had a secret way to get the scoop on his target market… He would go to the theater to see all the hit moviesā¦ …and he would see the blockbusters TWICE. Why? Because if youāre…
Native American Warriors Reveal Ancient Marketing Secret
I recently heard this wild story about Native American warriors. Two tribes face off on the battlefield — maybe the Sioux on one side, the Crow on the other. They shout taunts at each other. Then a brave young warrior from one side gallops forward on his pinto, charging at the enemy… …not to kill…
This Tactic Will Land You in the “Thanks, But No Thanks” File
My pal Harry forwarded to me a how-not-to-do-it sales email he received the other day. He called it āfertile materialā for the emails I send. He got that right. The email Harry forwarded was from a design firm in Arizona that was fishing for business. The email came from Dave, the firmās principal. āHi Harry,ā Dave wrote.…
The Story Behind One of the Greatest Ads Ever
In 1925, John Caples was a rookie copywriter working on an ad for home-study piano courses. He drafted several headlines that he shared with his boss. Here are a few: āCan you play the piano? Neither could I three months ago?ā āThey laughed when I sat down at the piano. But when I started to…
The Insanity of the Tactics-First Crowd
A desperate marketer posted a sad-sack story last week on a public forum. He was trying to reach prospects in a niche marketā¦ …and he was getting ZERO response. Facebook Ads? No-go. LinkedIn messages? Zip? Search advertising? Nada. So he asked the internet for helpā¦ …and the internet responded with a bunch ofĀ INSANITY. First, Iāll…
Understand This and Your Marketing Will Be Better
I read something cool this morning. It comes from a book calledĀ Breakthrough Advertising, by Eugene Schwartz. He was one of the great direct response copywriters of the twentieth century. Breakthrough AdvertisingĀ is a Bible for those who want to write copy that works. At the beginning of Chapter Seven, Schwartz writesā¦ ā…Advertising is the literature of…
How a Nine-Word Story Sold Millions
One of the great business stories of all time is also one of the shortest. Just nine words. Here it is: You can pay me nowā¦ …or pay me later. If you watched television in the 70s, you couldnāt miss those ads for Fram oil filters. The broken car. The expensive repair. The mechanic saying…
This Magic Phrase Will Help You Attract More Leads
I was planning to send a different message this morningā¦ …until I read an email from one of my favorite marketing experts Dave Dee (check out his stuff here). He offered a tip that is so good I had to postpone the other email so I could share the idea with you now. Hereās the tip: …
I Reveal This Mistake So You Don’t Repeat It
I got some great advice from a marketing expert last week after he read one of my emails. If youāve read my emails lately, youāve noticed that I offer aĀ free Story Assessment. Iāll review your website, social media or any other channel where you tell your story. Then Iāll reveal ways to power up your…
How the U.S. Grant Playbook Can Help Your Business
Hereās a TV recommendation: Watch āGrant,ā the new three-part documentary on the History Channel (here’s theĀ trailer).Ā Ulysses S. Grant was a complicated man. Some historians have painted him as a drunk, a villain, a reckless general who got lucky, a corrupt politician. This documentary rewrites that history. It exposes some of the warts. But generally,…
Top Marketers Say This is More Important Than Anything
I recently heard this story about the great copywriter Gary Halbertā¦ Near the end of his career he was quizzing a protege and said, āThe best way to get a prospectās attention is to appeal to their sense of ___________.ā The protege replied, āTheir sense of self-interest?ā Halbert said, āNo…their sense of curiosity.ā Thatās great…
Why Sales “Hunters” Bag Fewer Long-Lasting Clients
A few years back, I met with a prospect about a massive project. The meeting went well. I remember thinking as the meeting moved along, āIām CRUSHING it.ā Before I left, they committed to hire me. I returned to the office, shared the news with my team, and slapped high fives all around. āWay to…
A Big Mistake that Costs Businesses Time and Money
A business owner recently asked me to launch an email campaign for her new company. She told me she wanted to āspread the wordā about the business. Spread the word. Thatās a popular idea. Letās send some emails to spread the word. Letās post on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter to spread the word.Letās buy…
Spiderman Reveals the Difference Between Manipulation and Persuasion
I love the scene in the Spiderman movie (the first one with Tobey Maguire) when Uncle Ben tells Peter, “With great power comes great responsibility.” That’s true for super heroes. That’s also true for marketers. I’m working on a revised and expanded version of a free resource I created a few years back called “7 Ways…
Email Story: Betrayed by a Travel Brochure
Back in the day, when people used to go on vacation, my mom, dad, brother and I packed up the station wagon and drove west in search of a ghost town. Actually, we were headed to some national parks in Wyoming and Montana. But I insisted we detour. The brochure I grabbed at the Stuckeyās…
Why Does She Still Do THIS?
Hereās something I wonder during this pandemic: Why is the local news station still broadcasting traffic reports every 30 minutes in the morning? I turn on the news, and there she is, the Traffic Reporter, standing in front of the map with all the highways and byways color coded — green for āall clear,ā yellow for āmoderate back-upsā and…
How Taco Bell Hotel Rooms Sold Out in 120 Seconds
I read about a hotel that promises a āfun, colorful and flavorfulā and magical experience. Set to open in August, the hotel began taking reservations online in June. It sold out in two minutes. Introducing The Bell: A Taco Bell Hotel and Resort in Palm Springs, California. The Bell is just a temporary rebranding of…
Guessing VS Explaining With Data
I saw something on the TV news this morning that annoyed me. (What else is new?) Iām sharing this with you not to spread the annoyance, but rather to deliver a business lesson. The news headline: The number of asylum-seekers reaching the Mexico-US border has decreased over the last few months. The analysis: Supporters of…
Itās About Building a Community
Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Michael Jacksonās death. So the TV talking heads spent a bunch of airtime debating whether itās OK to enjoy the King of Popās music. The debate goes like thisā¦ On one side are those who cite allegations that Jackson molested children. You canāt separate the art from the artist,…
Testing Works In Business
Before publishing his first best-seller, Tim Ferriss tested options. He came up with six potential titles. Then he purchased Google Adwords ads — one version for each title — targeting search terms related to the bookās topics. Each ad used the potential book title as the headline and used the bookās tagline for the adās…
How Do You know If Your Marketing is Working
A marketing novice wondered whether a direct mail ad he received from a restaurant was any good. He described the ad in an online discussion board and waited for responses. Dozens of people replied with all sorts of marketing advice. Lots of them said they liked the ad. Some asked to see the advertisement so…
Lousy Customer Service
A few months ago, I went to a St. Louis Blues hockey game with my son. He ordered a chicken sandwich from a concession stand run by a local restaurant. The chicken was raw. When we returned the food to the stand and asked for a refund, the woman at the cash register apologized and…
Reach Out to Former Customers
Last month, a networking group that I help manage contacted 18 former members to learn why they quit. Three of the 18 said they quit for no particular reason. They just let their commitment lag. Prompted by the phone call, they committed to resubscribe. Three out of 18. Thatās 17 percent. Thatās pretty good. Many…
Berube Removes the Standings
In early January, when the St. Louis Blues were in the National Hockey League cellar with the fewest points of any team, Interim Head Coach Craig Berube tore the standings from the locker room wall. Yesterday, hours before the Blues clinched the Western Conference championship and punched their ticket to the Stanley Cup Final, a…
The Solution of False Opt-Outs
My friend who handles PR for a nonprofit had an annoying mystery to solve. One of her email subscribers complained that she had opted-in but was not receiving emails. Then another complained. Then another. As my friend dug into the problem, she discovered that several people on her list were marked as unsubscribed. But those…
Human Beings Shop For Status
In 1774, King Frederick II of Prussia was ruling over a land ravaged by famine. He urged farmers to plant potatoes to end the famine. But back then, potatoes were considered livestock feed in Eastern Europe, not suitable for human consumption. So farmers defied the king and didnāt plant them… …until King Frederick changed marketing…
Re Target Market
I was at a concert last night and heard some lyrics that made me think: āThatās a great marketing lesson.ā (I couldnāt help it. Thatās where my mind goes). Here are those lyrics from an old Kris Kristofferson song called āTo Beat the Devil:ā If you waste your time a talkingTo the people who don’t…
Learn From Our MASA Ad Mistake
Our company made a marketing mistake. Iām going to tell you about so you don’t repeat it. We sell email marketing software to many schools and school districts. So we recently ran a print advertisement in the membership directory for the Missouri Association of School Administrators (MASA). The ad included the address for our website…
Fearing Gmail Promotions
My favorite marketing forum lit up yesterday when someone complained about Gmail putting the emails he sends into the āPromotionsā folder. Several years ago, Gmail introduced folders (ātabsā) to organize incoming email into four categories: Primary, Social, Promotions and Updates. Most marketing emails sent through third-party software land in the Promotions folder. Yesterday, an unhappy…
Garbage Data
In a recent Monday Mash-Up, I shared a blog post Iād written about misleading statistics. It struck a nerve with several readers. Margaret is one of those readers who told me the story of her run-in with garbage data. Margaret works as a fundraiser at a nonprofit. Margaret often wonders how best to reach older donors and prospects. Some…
Sidewalk Cigarette Butts
As I entered a quick shop yesterday, I noticed a guy walking out who looked down on his luck. He stopped by the door and pulled from his shirt pocket a half-smoked, crooked cigarette butt. He bent it back into shape, lit up and took a long drag. When I walked out of the store,…
Car Wash Story
A few months ago, I asked my 21-year-old daughter to help me lug trash from the three barrels next to our house to the dumpster in the alley. She was home from college for a couple of weeks, and I thought she could pitch in. She shot me one of those looks that said, āDad,…
Podcasting Roundabout (Citing Adam K)
My pal Adam Kreitman sent me (and everyone else on his list) a great email today that compared the current frenzy over podcasting to the California Gold Rush. Hereās some of what Adam wrote: āThere were a few lucky folks who struck it rich mining for gold. However, the people who really made money during the Gold…
Which Material For Tote Bags
I had a good laugh today while reading an online discussion board for marketers. A puzzled marketer asked the community to weigh in on the best material for tote bags she and her husband would distribute at a trade show. She was leaning toward polypropylene (āfeels like soft clothā and āthe cheapest way to go.ā)…
Unsolicited Political Text
Yesterday I received an unsolicited text message from someone pitching a local political candidate. Iām not sharing this story to publicly shame anyone. Iām sharing it because thereās a business and life lesson here. So Iāll change the names to protect the guilty. The text said, āHi Thomas,ā (that was the first clue this was…
Is Marketing A Bad Word
Last week, my twin children turned 22. Iām still Dad, but my hardest parenting work is behind me (I think/hope). That got me thinking about parenting lessons learned. Hereās a big one: When the kid does something bad, that doesnāt mean the kid is a bad person. As parents, we need to help our kids…
CBS Sword Swallower
During a new show broadcast after the Super Bowl on Sunday, CBS television wanted us to believe that a talent-show performer died in a tragic sword swallowing accident. The idea was to create high drama. Keep us viewers glued to the tube. I said, āTo hell with this,ā and Iāll never watch this rotten show…
Global Warming Faulty Logic
Here in St. Louis, MO itās cold today. Really cold. Itās also cold in Washington, D.C. where President Trump tweeted this yesterday: āIn the beautiful Midwest, windchill temperatures are reaching minus 60 degrees, the coldest ever recorded. In coming days, expected to get even colder. People canāt last outside even for minutes. What the hell…
Capture a Prospect’s Imagination
My friend Richard Terry asked me to help him with some marketing copy. Heād heard one of my presentations recently, and he thought he might benefit from my expertise. We met earlier today, and hereās what I told himā¦ …Richard, you donāt need my help. I was honored he asked. I welcome new business. I…
Lessons from a cringe-worthy toilet mishap
My pal Adam Kreitman and I both write story-driven emails with marketing lessons. Occasionally, we challenge one another by sharing a story that might be a bit strange or saucy or…whatever… and then daring the other to turn it into a meaningful email.Ā Adam dropped one of those challenges on me yesterday. His text message…
Car Dealership Marketing Guy
Itās only January 2, and I just read some marketing wisdom that will make my āBest of 2019ā list in 12 months. A marketing guy at an auto dealership posted to an online marketing forum this question: āWhat would you suggest I do to get everyone to understand why we use social media?ā The salespeople…
Kotex Classic
One of Saturday Night Liveās most popular advertising parodies almost didnāt make it on the air. The fake ad was for āKotex Classicā — feminine pads described as āthe originalā and āyour motherās pad.ā Some historical context…for the men in the audience or those women too young to remember: Sanitary pads were much bulkier back…
Visa Tap-to-Pay Ad
I keep seeing this television ad promoting āTap to Pay With Visa.ā It touts a feature known as ācontactless cards.ā You complete a transaction without sliding or inserting your card. Just tap the card on (or wave it over) a reader. No confirmation necessary. No signature required. Tap and you’re done. Card charged. Purchase completed. In the…
Payless Shoes
Earlier this year, a new luxury shoe store opened in a Santa Monica mall. The store, called Palessi, invited fashion writers and other influencers to its grand opening. The fashionistas got first crack at the merchandise. They paid up to $600 for the shoes… …and then they celebrated. One held up a pair and chirped,…
Thomas Edison Salt
Do you sprinkle salt on your food before tasting it? If so, Thomas Edison would not have hired youā¦ …and your marketing might suck. When interviewing job candidates, Edison would offer them a bowl of soup. If they salted the soup without first tasting it, Edison would disqualify the candidate. Edison didnāt want assistants who assumed the…
Beatles White Album
In July 1968, a young sound engineer named Geoff Emerick grew annoyed with his employers and quit his job. Geoffās employers muddled through without him. And fifty years ago this month, they released a double-albumā¦ …with a plain white coverā¦ …entitled, simply, āThe Beatles.ā So, yeah this really happenedā¦ A 22-year-old sound engineer is hanging…
Moon Landing Follow-up re: Event Success or Failure?
Last month, I told you about conspiracy theorists who tried to āproveā that the moon landings were a hoax. (Hereās that email.) In that email, I noted that many marketers remind me of the conspiracy theorists. They take a couple of facts and paste them together to create a wacky, inaccurate picture. A few weeks ago, my…
Great First Date, Didn’t Call
When I was younger (and lonelier), I wrote a song called āUnrequited Love.ā I wrote it a few weeks after a blind date. I thought the date went well. I called her — several times. Left messages suggesting a second date. No reply. No more dates. Sad story. Iām thinking of writing a similar song…
Great Cold-Call Email
I was planning to send a different email to you today. …until I checked my inbox this morning and opened one of the best cold-call emails Iāve ever received. I wanted to share it with you because itās sooooo good and you can learn so much from it. It begins: āHey Tom, Curious if you’re…
Email Marketing Works, Man Walked on the Moon and Other Conspiracy Theories
When I was a kid, I treasured my poster of Neil Armstrong standing on the moon. I wanted to be an astronaut. Armstrong was my hero. Last week, I saw a picture of Armstrongās spacesuit. Some guy posted it on Facebook next to a picture of a lunar footprint. The spacesuit boot had no treads.…
How We Were “Liberated” from Formal Work Clothes
I was cleaning out some old files and found the āDress Code Policyā for one of my early jobs. Coat and tie required. No jeans. Closed-top shoes. No sneakers. Etc. Etc. Etc. Blah blah blah. That was 1998. Times have changed. I remember the first time I worked at a place with āCasual Fridays.ā It…
Ben Franklin Effect
When Ben Franklin was a young man, he turned a rival into a fan with a brilliant, counterintuitive move. Ben had co-founded a literary and debate society and served as clerk. When he ran for reelection as clerk, the rival ripped Ben in a long, hateful speech. Rather than counterpunch, Ben asked the hater for…
Frozen in The Cereal Aisle
I nearly had a nervous breakdown in Aisle 8 at the grocery store on Sunday. There I stood, in the cereal aisle, reading the shopping list my wife created. Item 15 on the list: āHealthy Cereal.ā I marched up and down the aisle, scanning the shelves. Should I buy the Kashi or the Kelloggās? Barbaraās…
Tim Dean Life Coach
When I asked Tim Dean to describe his ideal client for me, his answer blew me away. Tim is a life coach whom I ran into at a networking event. His ideal client: āParents of a millenial son or daughter who is living at home.ā Weāve all heard the old adage about finding a niche…
Niagara Falls
In 1911, Bobby Leach went over Niagara Falls in a barrel. On purpose. He broke a few bones and spent a few months in the hospital. But that was OK with him. He survivedā¦ …and then he cashed in on his fame. He wasnāt the first person to survive that fall. A woman named Annie…
Ear Doctor Normalizes Waiting
I caught a radio ad recently for an ear doctor who encouraged listeners to get their hearing checked. She said most people will rush to the eye doctor if they have fuzzy vision. But when people notice their hearing get fuzzy, many will put off a checkup. Sometimes theyāll wait for years. Donāt wait, she…
Jacob and United Airlines
I got a call last month from my son, Jacob, who declared, āIām never flying United Airlines again!ā Hereās why he was so upsetā¦ Jacob was at the Denver airport, at one of those self-serve check-in kiosks. It was crowded and hectic. There was a long line to get through security. He was frazzled. He…
The #1 Reason Albert Pujols and Your Customers Break Up With You
Baseball great Albert Pujols got his 3,000th hit earlier this month.Ā Iāve rooted all my life for the St. Louis Cardinals. So it broke my heart when Pujols broke up with the Cardinals in 2012 to join the Anaheim Angels. The heartache reminded me of my ninth-grade girlfriend, Susie Wallace. Susie and I had just…
Job Seeker Nukes Urine
WARNING: You may never microwave a convenience store burrito again after reading this kinda-gross, but kinda-funny(?) story!!! A job-seeker in Aurora, CO prepped for an interview and drug test by taking a cup of urine to a 7-11 near her prospective employerās office. She popped the urine in the oven, set it to “High,” pressed start…
Lots of Women’s Emails From Nordstrom’s
This is a tale about how to annoy email subscribers and encourage them to opt-out. I signed up for Nordstrom Rackās email list last year after I bought a couple of shirts from them. Menās shirts (Iām a man). Since then, Iāve received almost-daily emails from Nordstromās. Eighty percent of the emails peddle womenās products.…
Curb: Larry Passes on Lunch
I watched a rerun ofĀ Curb Your EnthusiasmĀ yesterday in which Larry David gets into it with a guy who asks him to lunch. Larry and this guy are both from LA, but they run into each other in New York. The guy suggests that he and Larry grab lunch the next day. Larry refuses. āSo let…
Wisdom Teeth Dummy
When I was a dumb kid, I feared my IQ would drop if I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I was over that by the time I was 19 and dating Kathy. She had her wisdom teeth pulled the summer we dated. She couldnāt stand the pain. I suggested she rinse with warm salt water.…
Borrowing Email Lists Greitens Etc.
The meeting went off the rails when I asked, āHow are you going to build your email list?ā The nonprofit executive director replied, āWeāre going to borrow lists from some other nonprofits we partner with.ā āI recommend against that,ā I said. āBut we do that all the time with direct (postal) mail,ā she said. I…
Red Delicious Apple
The last time I ate a Red Delicious apple, I thought, āHmmm. āRed Delicious?ā Thatās half-true. Red? Yes. Delicious? Not so muchā?ā Bad texture. Bland taste. All beauty. No substance. How can something so pretty and shiny be so terrible? I discovered the nasty secret in thisĀ great articleĀ in The Atlantic. Reds used to be delicious.…
Left-Handed Whopper
On April Foolās Day 1998, Burger King ran a full-page advertisement in USA Today to introduce the new āLeft-Handed Whopperā The ad proclaimed: āFinally, after years of neglect, left-handed eaters will no longer need to conform to traditional right-handed eating methods when enjoying Americaās favorite burger.ā Highlights: āWhopper rotated a full 180-degrees to ensure better grip on bunā¦ā āRearranged orientation of…
Girlfriend Flowers
Back in high school, I had a crush on Amanda, but she had a boyfriend named Cam. A few days before her 16th birthday, she was flirting with me, bad-mouthing Cam, hinting that he was toast. So I made my move. During the birthday party at her house, I snuck up to her room with…
Pedestrian Bridge Marketing Failure
The following story discusses one company’s marketing failure related to the pedestrian bridge collapse in Florida. I hesitated before sharing this story. I didn’t want to make light of the tragedy or dishonor the six people who died in Florida. I’ve chosen to proceed with the email because I think it contains a valuable marketing…
Dude Checks Gas Leak With Match
I ran across an article the other day about a dumb dude in Michigan who smelled gas coming from his newly installed water heater. He checked for the leak by lighting a match. He shoulda died, but he got off easyā¦ …with singed eyebrows. Mixing fire and gas leak — that wasn’t his first mistake. …
Ketchup and Hardcore Porn
Did you hear the one about the ketchup bottle and the hardcore pornography site? Whoh! Settle down now. Itās not what you think. This is a G-rated story that is super-pertinent for anyone marketing a business. Turns out that the good folks at Heinz sold ketchup bottles in Germany that promoted a contest website. But…
Foot Powder Elected
This is the story of how a bottle of foot powder was elected Mayor of a town in Ecuador. Iām not kidding. During the 1967 mayoral election in PicoazĆ (population 4,000), a foot powder company launched an ad campaign with this slogan: āVote for any candidate, but if you want well-being and hygiene, vote for…
Toilet Instructions
I recently spent a couple of weeks in New Zealand. Beautiful country. One of the most memorable things I saw there: Signs illustrating the right way to pooh. This is not B.S. These signs were as common as fart jokes in a boys locker room. On the rightā¦ a drawing of a person sitting on…
Groundhog Day
I hope you had a joyous Groundhog Day! (It was last Tuesday, in case you missed it). Truth be told, I can live without the holiday. But I love the movie. Weatherman Phil Connor (Bill Murray) wakes each morning in Punxsutawney, PA for a Groundhog Day do-over. On each of these days, Phil runs into an…
Leonardo’s Perfection Problem
In Monday’s email, I recommended the new biography Leonardo DaVinci (by Walter Isaacson). Great read. Lots of interesting stories. Many business lessons. Here’s one: In 1480, monks hired Leo to create a painting of the Adoration of the Magi. Leo started the project, but he stopped before finishing. Leo imagined the perfect painting, but he couldnāt achieve that perfection.…
Dump the Grammar Guide
Back in high school I had a basketball coach who didnāt win any spelling bees or grammar contests. Once, after we failed to run the play he called during practice, he stormed onto the court, screaming: āJeez, yous guys! Donāt you know the American language!?ā Smart-ass kids that we were, we used to mock Coach…
Fastest Surgeon
Iām not a surgeon. And I donāt play one on TV. But I know this much: If youāre operating on ONE patient, and THREE people die, youāve botched the job. That really happened — to Dr. Robert Liston, who was famous in the 19th century for being the fastest surgeon around. In those days, before…