Great Cold-Call Email

cold email

I was planning to send a different email to you today. 

…until I checked my inbox this morning and opened one of the best cold-call emails I’ve ever received.

I wanted to share it with you because it’s sooooo good and you can learn so much from it.

It begins: “Hey Tom, Curious if you’re manually entering data in 5+ systems every time you hire someone? Your payroll, insurance carrier, FSA/HSA, 401k, HR platform, etc.”

That caught my attention because…yeah, data entry following new hires is a repetitive, painful process for us.

He had my attention. He described a painful condition for many businesses. And he asked whether I can relate.

My answer: Yep. I can relate. So I continued reading:

Rippling fixes this problem in a really neat way. In 90 seconds, you can hire a new employee through our system, and we set them up in all of your other systems — instantly. Legacy platforms like ADP and Paychex aren’t ‘open,’ so your team’s likely doing this work manually right now. Not just for hiring, but offboarding and day-to-day management.”

Now he really had my attention. A clear solution to cure what ails me. So I continued reading:

“Our payroll is a lot more affordable too, FWIW.”

Is this guy reading my mind?

I was thinking, “Sounds nice, but it sounds pricey.”

And then he answered my objection.

He established that he offers time-savings AND cost-savings. (By the way, “FWIW” = for what it’s worth). So I continued reading:

“Are you open to a quick demo / cost savings comparison? Thank you! Ramon”

Yes, I am open. So I read the p.s.:

“P.S. Tom — 57% of companies that switch payroll, do so in Q4, so now’s the right time to see what else is out there. If you’re not interested though, please let me know. I don’t want to be a nuisance.”

A call-to-action with a bit of urgency and a personal touch. He asks me to contact him if I’m not interested (implying, of course, that I should contact him if I AM interested). Also, it’s a nice touch to acknowledge the nuisance factor (anyone who reads that far is probably not considering him a nuisance).

Let’s summarize what Ramon did in this email:

1) Identify a pain-point or a desire and ask, “Can you relate.” (Are you entering date in 5+ systems?) Those who can relate read on. Those who don’t stop reading (no damage done).

2) Quickly and concisely identify what you offer to address the pain or fulfill the desire (In 90 seconds, you can enter the data once, and we take care of the rest).

3) Quickly and concisely address potential objection(s) (We’re less expensive than the other guys).

4) Present a clear call to action (Would you like a demo? Please contact me).

That’s a good formula for any business that uses email for lead generation.

Don't go away yet..

p.s. Coaches, authors, and consultants hire me to power-up their creative content and storytelling to captivate prospects, stand-out and book more business.

Whenever you're ready, here are several ways I can help you become a storytelling stand-out so you'll land more clients without pitching and prodding:

1) Get the Story Power Profit Pack -- 52 Strategies, Tips, and Tactics  to Transform Your Content from Ignored to Adored.

2) Watch the free, 7-minute Micro-Training: “The 3 Most Important Storytelling Keys to Captivate Prospects and Inspire Them to Act -- Without Pitching and Prodding.”

3) Become a Story Power VIP: Master how to discover, assemble, and deliver business-building stories. Twice-monthly live masterclasses. Members-only content. One-on-one feedback and consulting sessions. And more… If you'd like to learn more about our VIP program, just reply to this email and put "Story Power VIP" in the subject line. I’ll contact you with more details.

4) Work with me one-on-one: If you’re interested in working directly with me -- to discover, assemble, and deliver powerful, business-building stories -- simply reply to this email and change the subject line to "Private Client." Tell me a little about yourself, your business, and what you'd like to accomplish, and I'll reply to discuss options.

5) Invite me to speak at an event: I can tailor a presentation that meets the specific needs of your organization. Informative. Entertaining. Virtual or live. Potential for continuing education credits when applicable for your group. If interested, reply to this email and change the subject line to “Speaking Engagement.” I’ll circle back to discuss the possibilities.

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Tom Ruwitch

Tom Ruwitch is the founder and CEO of Story Power Marketing. For more than 30 years, he has helped businesses grow by delivering powerful stories using a variety of different media.

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