The Oscar’s Champagne Problem (A Cautionary Tale)…

I invented a new drinking game called “Red Carpet Roulette.” Details and rules below. 

But first, the backstory. 

The Einsteins who run The Academy Awards decided they have to “reimagine the Oscars’ red carpet aesthetic and guest experience.” 

(Because, everyone knows: The #1 gripe about The Oscars is the red carpet aesthetic.)

So they hired a couple of “red carpet creative consultants” (nice work if you can get it!).

And after doing whatever red carpet creative consultants do, they decided to…

…make the red carpet NOT RED.  

The carpet is now “champagne-colored.” You can call it “sand-colored,” too, the consultants say. 

Oscars’ host Jimmy Kimmel was there when the carpet layers rolled out the champagne-colored welcome mat, and he joked: 

“People have been asking if there’s going to be any trouble this year, is there going to be any violence this year? I certainly hope not. But if there is, I think the decision to go with a champagne carpet, rather than a red carpet, shows how confident we are that no blood will be shed.” 

I read this in an article by KTLA television in Los Angeles. 

Headlined “Red is out: Oscars roll out champagne-colored carpet for the 95th Academy Awards,” the article included this mind-bender:

“KTLA 5’s Sam Rubin, Jessica Holmes, Megan Henderson and Doug Kolk will be live on the red carpet starting at 1 p.m. on the day of the Oscars.”  

ABC will telecast the 95th Oscars, and, as usual, will host the pre-game show. 

The show’s title: “On The Red Carpet Live: Countdown to Oscars 95”

As someone’s drunk uncle used to say…

“…If it ain’t broke, break it.”

Which brings me to Red Carpet Roulette. Here’s how you play…

Grab a box of your favorite wine, a jug of your best moonshine, or (to really get in the Oscars 95 spirit) a magnum of CHAMPAGNE. (If booze ain’t your thing, a jug of Kool-Aid will suffice). 

Tune into “Countdown to Oscars 95.”

Every time they say “red carpet,” take a chug. Kind of like ‘Hi Bob” (if you know that game) — only more dangerous. 

By the time the ceremony starts, I bet you’ll be primed and ready to enjoy it. 

There’s a business lesson here…

Drunk Uncle has it backwards. If it ain’t broke, DON’T FIX IT. 

Focus your energy on what matters. And when it comes to The Oscars, the carpet color doesn’t matter. 

That said, there may be another, more subtle and advanced business lesson here. 

Maybe this was an elaborate PR move. Maybe they did this to create buzz and attention. 

Think about it: Those headlines about the red carpet caught my eye. I wouldn’t be writing about The Oscars if not for the red-carpet-turned-champagne story. And I definitely wasn’t planning to watch “On the Red Carpet Live.”

But now I plan to tune in…

…with a giant bottle of champagne-colored sparkling wine in hand…

…playing Red Carpet Roulette…

…until I fall asleep somewhere between the award for Best Costume Design and Best Sound Editing. 

I’ll read about the big awards when I wake up on Monday morning.