Job Seeker Nukes Urine

WARNING: You may never microwave a convenience store burrito again after reading this kinda-gross, but kinda-funny(?) story!!!

A job-seeker in Aurora, CO prepped for an interview and drug test by taking a cup of urine to a 7-11 near her prospective employer’s office.

She popped the urine in the oven, set it to “High,” pressed start and waited.

Just guessing, but I think the urine wasn’t hers. And I bet it was drug-free.

For those wondering “WTF?”: To fool the drug-testers with someone else’s clean urine, you gotta make it warm — as if it just streamed from YOUR bladder.

Anyhow, back to the microwave: It didn’t take long for the cup-o’-pee to reach that point that all us microwavers dread — the explosion threshold.

We’ve all heard the sound – a pop or dull thud, nothing like TNT, but messy all the same.

The clerk heard it and then watched as the drug-test-faker opened the oven door.

Yellow liquid dripped onto the counter and the store filled with that unmistakable aroma…

…of straight-from-the-oven pee-pee.

“Clean it up!” the clerk demanded.

The faker wiped a pool from the oven onto the floor and then bolted.

She didn’t get far.

The cops found her (and issued a citation) at the prospective employer’s. She was waiting for her interview (most likely wondering how the heck she was going to pass the drug test).

One more thing: She didn’t get the job.

My kindergarten teacher, Opel Bossey (yep, I had a kindergarten teacher named Mrs. Bossey), used to say, “Cheaters never prosper!”

With all due respect, Mrs. B.,  that’s a nice idea. But it’s not true. 

Cheaters do prosper occasionally (perhaps often).

But that doesn’t mean you oughta cheat.

And there’s nothing like a good cheater-DIDN’T-prosper story to remind you…

You can prosper in marketing and communications without tricks. Without misleading subject lines. Without fudging the facts. Without misrepresentations. Without cheating.

Next week I’m going to share a story about the on-demand webinars we now offer (see the p.s. below for details). Some so-called “marketing experts” encouraged us to mislead and fudge and misrepresent to increase webinar response rates. We chose a different path.

Thanks for reading, and remember… If you’re going to microwave a cup-o’-pee, use the medium power setting.