Don’t Be a Focker (A Cautionary Tale)

Remember this scene in “Meet the Parents” when Gaylord Focker (Ben Stiller) wants to board a plane, but a power-hungry gate agent makes him wait?

Funny when you watch it. But not so funny when — like me — you live through something like it.

It happened Sunday at the Philadelphia International Airport.

Melissa and I arrived at the Southwest Airlines check-in area early. We were the only two travelers in sight.

I punched my info into the self-serve kiosks, got my checked bag stickers, and fastened them to our two suitcases. Then I walked to the counter.

The agent frowned at me and said, “You entered through the exit.”

I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly, so I replied, “I’m sorry. What?”

He repeated, louder this time: “You EN-tered through the EX-it.”

I looked behind me.

Sure enough, the space between the kiosks and the counter had those black nylon line controllers.

The path to the right was the entrance. The path to the left was the exit.

Since there were ZERO other people there, and I didn’t have a line to follow, I hadn’t noticed.

“I apologize I said. Would you like me to re-enter the right way?”

He crossed his arms and paused to consider his answer.

“No,” he sniffed. “Don’t bother. Put your bag on the scale.”

I stood there for a moment, kind of dumbfounded.

I mean, really, this guy seemed to be auditioning for “Meet the Parents 4.”

“Put… the… bag… on… the… scale,” he repeated.

I did as he said.

He typed furiously, as if he was trying to punch a hole in the keyboard. Then he grabbed my bag and threw it on the conveyor.

The “thud” of the bag hitting the conveyor echoed through the empty terminal.

“Now, the other bag,” he commanded.

I placed the second bag on the scale. He typed some more, threw the bag on the conveyor (THUD!) and said, “Done.”

I thanked him and asked if he could print a boarding pass for Melissa.

“You don’t have boarding passes?” he asked.

He seemed flabbergasted.

We must have been the first passengers ever to ask him to print a boarding pass.

“We have boarding passes on our phones,” I said. “But she’d like to have a printed copy.”

He looked at me as if I’d just said, “Please club that baby seal.”

(A printed boarding pass!?! Oh! The horror! )

More furious typing. He grabbed the boarding pass, held it in front of him, and said, “Here ya go,” frowning.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling.

“Uh huh,” he replied.

(Wow! What a focker this guy was.)

Later, on the plane, while taxiing for our 45-minute-late departure, the flight attendant said, “We know you have a choice when flying. Thank you for choosing Southwest.”

Actually, I don’t have much of a choice.

Southwest is the dominant airline in St. Louis. For most destinations, Southwest offers the only non-stop options.

So I’m stuck with Southwest, like it or not.

If I had a choice, I might choose another airline.

Your prospects have a choice. If you wish to gain and retain clients who love you and refer you to others, you shouldn’t take them for granted or treat them like seal-clubbers.

Speaking of choice…

…lots of people made the wise choice to enroll in my do-it-with-you workshop I launched yesterday.

If you choose to sign up, you’ll discover how to unleash a flood of content ideas, assemble client-attracting content, and conquer writer’s block – so you can stand out as the human to hire in your niche and skyrocket profits.

I conducted the first session live yesterday. I can send you the recording and tell you how to catch the rest of the sessions live.

Just reply to this email with “don’t be a focker.”