Valuable Lessons From a Terrible Email

It’s time for another episode of “Email Rescue — Cautionary Tales from Tom’s Spam Folder”

I salvage junk from the folder and share the don’ts-and-don’ts it contains…

…so YOU can learn from the spammer’s mistakes…

…and create more captivating, less irritating content.

The email I’m salvaging landed yesterday at 10:58 a.m. with the subject line “Can we connect?” James wrote:

Hello Tom,

I hope this message finds you well. I am reaching out to explore the possibility of connecting you with fellow business owners in the area or assisting you in finding valuable leads for your business.

If you’re interested, a simple “Yes” in your reply will prompt me to provide more detailed information.

Holy Incoherence, Batman! That’s a mouthful.

First, “I hope this message finds you well.”

What is it with spammers and that phrase? I searched my spam folder for the phrase and found FOUR emails — just yesterday — with the same opening.

It’s robotic. It smacks of insincerity (especially when it comes from a stranger who is spamming you).

And it delays getting to the point…

…or at least the part that’s TRYING to make a point.

…“I am reaching out to explore the possibility of connecting you with fellow business owners in the area or assisting you in finding valuable leads for your business.”

That’s what my first newspaper editor would call “word vomit.” 

I know. I write long emails. But, I also edit sentences to make them clear and concise.

So many lessons packed into one sentence:

1) Don’t say, “I’m reaching out to…” I know you’re reaching out. Your email landed in my spam folder. Drop the “I’m reaching out…” part and get to the point.

2) “…to explore the possibility of…” This one would make any good sales manager cringe. It’s so namby pamby. The only thing that would make it worse: A few “umms,” as in, “I’m, ummmmm, reaching out, ummmmm, to explore, ummmm, the possibility, of…ummmm…” When you read a phrase like that, the “ummms” are implied.

3) “…connecting you with fellow business owners in the area or assisting you in finding valuable leads for your business.” This part is especially incoherent.

Is there a difference between “connecting you with fellow business owners” and “finding valuable leads.”

James said “or” Is it one or the other — connect you OR help you find leads.

I’m only guessing but, I assume “connecting you with fellow business owners” means “book appointments with qualified prospects.” So he finds leads AND books appointments.

Again, I’m only guessing because that’s not what he said. He said, “connecting you with fellow business owners in the area or assisting you in finding valuable leads for your business” (whatever that means).

4) “…in the area…” I have clients around the globe. The majority of my clients are not from “the area.” When you promise me connections in “my area,” you reveal how little you know about me and my business.

Maybe James meant something other than my geographic area (in which case, chalk up another incoherence demerit for James).

Assuming John can find leads beyond my area, here’s what he could write:

Hello Tom,

We can deliver valuable leads and book appointments for you with qualified prospects.

Interested? Reply “yes,” and I’ll circle back with details.

This isn’t perfect. I’m working only with the details I gleaned from James’ email. But it’s more direct, concise, and coherent than the junk James sent.

That’s a wrap.