Shopocalypse Now
I’m sitting in the kitchen with my AI-powered copywriting robot, B-9(?)…
…eating a hearty breakfast of leftover stuffing (the best!), cranberry relish (the chunky kind with orange peel), and pumpkin pie.
Meanwhile, it’s Black Friday…
…which is supposed to be all about great deals and frenzied shopping…
…but the name reminds me of darkness and stock market crashes.
B-9(?) and I agree:
Black Friday is a dumb name for this “holiday.”
So I asked the robot to suggest alternatives. Here are a few of my favorites, straight from the robot’s mouth:
ā Shopocalypse Now: The retail version of the apocalypse, minus the zombies (usually).
ā Discount Bloodbath: The only bloodsport where everyone wins… except your budget.
ā The Hunger Games: Mall Edition: May the odds of finding a parking spot be ever in your favor.
ā Retail Thunderdome: Two carts enter, one cart leaves.
ā Doorbuster Doomsday: When civility ends and the quest for deals begins.
ā Shopmageddon: The end times, but with great savings!
ā Cart Crash Derby: Buckle up, buttercup. It’s going to be a bumpy ride through the aisles.
I like the zombie and armageddon theme, B-9(?). It captures the day’s door-busting madness.
Speaking of madness…
…you should see my inbox (or look at yours).
Here’s a one hour (just 60 minutes!!!) slice from my inbox (and this doesn’t include emails that landed in SPAM):
I won’t be offering any Shopmageddon deals today
Don’t get me wrong. I like to share a great offer as much as the next guy.
But methinks EVERY day is a great day to share great offers.
In fact, I’m putting together one now that I’ll unveil in the next few days.
Tentative name: The Biggest, Bestest Book Bundle Ever.
Stay tuned.
Until then, good luck busting down the door at your neighborhood retailer. Be safe and shop well.
Don't go away yet..
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