Tom Ruwitch
I got a call last month from my son, Jacob, who declared, āIām never flying United Airlines again!ā Hereās why he was so upsetā¦ Jacob was at the Denver airport, at one of those self-serve check-in kiosks. It was crowded and hectic. There was a long line to get through security. He was frazzled. He…
Baseball great Albert Pujols got his 3,000th hit earlier this month.Ā Iāve rooted all my life for the St. Louis Cardinals. So it broke my heart when Pujols broke up with the Cardinals in 2012 to join the Anaheim Angels. The heartache reminded me of my ninth-grade girlfriend, Susie Wallace. Susie and I had just…
WARNING: You may never microwave a convenience store burrito again after reading this kinda-gross, but kinda-funny(?) story!!! A job-seeker in Aurora, CO prepped for an interview and drug test by taking a cup of urine to a 7-11 near her prospective employerās office. She popped the urine in the oven, set it to “High,” pressed start…
This is a tale about how to annoy email subscribers and encourage them to opt-out. I signed up for Nordstrom Rackās email list last year after I bought a couple of shirts from them. Menās shirts (Iām a man). Since then, Iāve received almost-daily emails from Nordstromās. Eighty percent of the emails peddle womenās products.…
I watched a rerun ofĀ Curb Your EnthusiasmĀ yesterday in which Larry David gets into it with a guy who asks him to lunch. Larry and this guy are both from LA, but they run into each other in New York. The guy suggests that he and Larry grab lunch the next day. Larry refuses. āSo let…
When I was a dumb kid, I feared my IQ would drop if I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I was over that by the time I was 19 and dating Kathy. She had her wisdom teeth pulled the summer we dated. She couldnāt stand the pain. I suggested she rinse with warm salt water.…
The meeting went off the rails when I asked, āHow are you going to build your email list?ā The nonprofit executive director replied, āWeāre going to borrow lists from some other nonprofits we partner with.ā āI recommend against that,ā I said. āBut we do that all the time with direct (postal) mail,ā she said. I…
The last time I ate a Red Delicious apple, I thought, āHmmm. āRed Delicious?ā Thatās half-true. Red? Yes. Delicious? Not so muchā?ā Bad texture. Bland taste. All beauty. No substance. How can something so pretty and shiny be so terrible? I discovered the nasty secret in thisĀ great articleĀ in The Atlantic. Reds used to be delicious.…
On April Foolās Day 1998, Burger King ran a full-page advertisement in USA Today to introduce the new āLeft-Handed Whopperā The ad proclaimed: āFinally, after years of neglect, left-handed eaters will no longer need to conform to traditional right-handed eating methods when enjoying Americaās favorite burger.ā Highlights: āWhopper rotated a full 180-degrees to ensure better grip on bunā¦ā āRearranged orientation of…
Back in high school, I had a crush on Amanda, but she had a boyfriend named Cam. A few days before her 16th birthday, she was flirting with me, bad-mouthing Cam, hinting that he was toast. So I made my move. During the birthday party at her house, I snuck up to her room with…